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Fresh Cup Fridays--Codependency: The Relationship Without

Have you ever wondered why you seem to constantly have bad luck in relationships? Or, if there are any healthy people out there? That you seem to attract partners afraid of commitment. Or wounded stray puppy partners that you are determined to change, save, and heal. Or partners that leave you feeling empty, unappreciated, and abandoned. That make you wonder if there is something wrong with you. Or, all the above. Welcome to Codependency!

In case you are still wondering, take this little questionnaire. How many apply to you?

  1. I often bring partners into my life who are afraid of commitment (commitment-phobes). They end up abandoning me.

  2. I have a tendency to bring partners into my life who need to be rescued and I play the Rescuer Role. I thought I could help them change.

  3. A number of my partners have had difficulties with addictions (alcohol, marijuana, drugs, sex/porn, work); and/or exhibited poor anger control and abusive behavior (physical, mental, verbal, sexual). I thought I could help them change.

  4. A number of my partners were emotionally unavailable. They were either too clingy, smothering, and needy, or too cold, controlling and distant. Either way, it was about them, not me.

  5. A number of my partners were distrustful, jealous and possessive.

  6. I have been physically abused by a partner.

  7. I have been verbally and emotionally abused by a partner.

  8. I have been cheated on by a partner.

  9. I came from a mild to severely dysfunctional family background.

  10. I often feel I am not good enough or that I have to try harder than others.

  11. I tend to give far more in my relationships and friendships, than I receive. They are not very mutual or reciprocal relationships.

  12. I have difficulty saying no. I always try to please people, even if it is not what I want to do.

  13. I have difficulty receiving: love, compliments, praise, etc.

  14. I have my Pretend “It’s okay or I’m fine” Face. I don’t let people know when something bothers me and keep my feelings inside.

  15. It seems that there is always a lot of drama in my relationships.

  16. After one of these relationships is over, I feel emotionally drained and that somehow, I lost myself in the relationship. I lost my identity.

  17. After one of these relationships is over I come out with far greater financial problems than before the relationship. Somehow, I lost a lot of money while in the relationship.